Kinship Caregivers:

We are the courageous relatives parenting our relatives. We are grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and other relatives who love our families and believe in keeping our families together.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Kinship Care Challenges

I have joined a private group on Facebook of other kinship caregivers. Most are in the United Kingdom, but the stories are all the same – the struggles, heartbreaks, and joys of raising a relative. This has been the most beautiful thing that has happened to me since I took on the responsibility of my grandson on October 31, 2008. I have enjoyed hearing the stories of others who are going through the same things I have gone through. Although the legal system is different in the UK, we still struggle. The support I have felt is indescribable.

What kinds of things do we go through? Well, here’s a list:

1. Relatives end up raising a relative for a variety of reasons, but by far is the child(ren) has been neglected and the relative stepped in.

2. The parents continue to harass the caregiver by calling, threatening, taking the child(ren) because we have not gained a legal right to have the child (yet) but the parent(s) won’t do that and if they do, they neglect the child(ren).

3. Parents drop the child(ren) off, leave for days/weeks, and then return and want to parent.

4. Children have emotional issues from all the confusion and can have behavior problems as a result.

5. The legal system in the UK and US both do not provide financial help for relative caregivers to the extent that is needed. For instance, in Minnesota, if you become a foster parent to a relative because the child was removed from the parents, you are entitled to much more financial assistance. Yet, the “system” wants to provide permanency for the child(ren), which is great, so they will try to terminate the rights of the parent(s) and give the relative custody rights. However, when that happens, we are not told the financial implications of this change. We lose all of the financial assistance, which is desperately needed – especially by relatives who are retired and living on retirement income alone.

6. Parents are in jail, and we wonder whether to bring the children to visit or whether that would be detrimental.

7. The number of times relatives have to file neglect/abuse reports only to have the system investigate and not have enough “evidence” to remove the child.

8. Having to turn our children in to the authorities.

9. Having to help our little ones understand what the heck is going on.

10. Usually children are ages 1-5 or teenagers when they come to live with a relative. Both ages are tiring for a relative to raise, as we are older and tire more quickly.

11. Our work life is impacted by taking on the care of a relative. Some of us lose our jobs because we can’t afford daycare.

12. Our health is impacted by the ongoing stress of the situation.

13. Many lose their retirement savings, if they have one.