Sometimes I think it’s my “fault” that my daughter is an
addict and not raising her son.
Maybe I didn’t do enough or did too much. Maybe I should have tried harder or prayed
more. Maybe, because I had my own issues
to deal with in life, I created her problems. All the maybe’s……
I was not a fabulous parent.
I sure wasn’t Betty Crocker. But
I did not neglect my children, never provide for them or ever stop loving them. I also know when it comes to trying to
be a good parent, I did do my best with what I knew how to do at the time.
When my daughter was just a toddler I knew there was
something not quite right with her behavior.
I didn’t know what that something was, but I tried my hardest to figure
it out and get her help. By the time she
was five years old, I was driving two hours away for her to see a child
psychologist. It didn’t help.
This was back in the late 80’s. Therapists were not diagnosing kids with ADD,
ADHD, oppositional defiance, or obsessive/compulsive behavior. Yet, by the time she was into her “tweens”,
she was diagnosed (labeled) with all of these, plus depressed, anxious,
bipolar, borderline personality disorder and more. By the time she was 18 she qualified for government
disability payments.
By the time she was 18, she was already an addict.
My daughter has an addiction – not a parenting problem. Alanon has a saying that I tell myself
often: I didn’t cause it, can’t control
it, and can’t cure it. Sometimes I have to
replay that statement over and over in my mind.
Shakespeare suggested, “There is nothing either good or bad
but thinking makes it so.” I practice
watching my thoughts and choose to focus on what is right rather than what is
wrong. When I get down, I get a piece of paper and write out what I
am grateful for. This action of purposeful
redirection of my thoughts helps me. It only takes only a couple minutes to jot down
a list. Making a list stops my anxieties from getting the best of me.
Today I am not concerned if “the apple doesn’t fall far from
the tree”. I am a good tree!
I am a grandma raising my grandson. It’s all good.
Someone on the Daily Strength website posted your link there and I wanted to check it out. Thank you for starting a blog like this. It gives me the emotional strength to know that I too can do this.
ReplyDeleteI would love to keep in contact with you to support each other on this journey we are traveling through.
Thank you for your comments and your support. They mean the world to me.
DeleteYou are not alone as a relative raising a relative - a kinship caregiver. There are over 2.5 million of us! Help spread the word we are hear and we need support! Post to your Facebook or wherever you feel you can. It's a good way to let others know what it feels like.
Please come back and visit whenever you need some encouragement. Your comments help me a great deal!
Amy
I came across your blog while searching grandparents raising grand kids support groups. Your last entry seriously could have been me speaking of my own daughter, eerily similar!! Thank you for sharing! We just adopted our grandson in Dec. 2011 after fostering him since Sept. 2010. You very eloquently put into words what we are feeling, and yes the big picture is all good!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments Angela! I think we all have more in common than we may realize. It helps to share our stories and I really appreciate hearing yours.
DeleteCongratulations on the adoption! It's good to know your grandchildren will have some "permanency". Well done!
Amy