Boundaries with Family

Today the topic is boundaries. I have not always had very good boundaries throughout my life.  I have to make very conscious efforts to have boundaries.  My first reaction is to always want to defend myself in retaliation to hurtful words.  I get busy trying to make my point or defend myself.  It never occurred to me there are other options – like having boundaries.

My daughter posted a photo of herself yesterday on Facebook.  She has lost a lot of weight and hair – side effects of meth. 

I saw the picture and I saw all the “likes” people were giving the photo. How do people give a “thumbs up” to people who are killing themselves from drug use, who have lost their families to their drug addiction?

One “friend” on her Facebook page commented she didn’t look so good.  I agreed, so I entered a comment that she doesn’t look good, gave the number for Teen Challenge – a treatment center – and wrote I hope she will call them.  In response, she replied, “Can’t you ever say anything nice?” and added several hurtful, spiteful comments.  The words were vulgar and included profanity.  I guess she really wanted to make a point.....

Quite suddenly I realized I don’t have to take this!  I did something I never would have thought to do in the past.  I unsubscribed from her on Facebook. 

Oh that was hard!  Following my daughter on Facebook has been my only method to know she is even alive.  Yet, I finally have enough sense to know I don’t need to be called names by anyone – including my daughter.  

This is the sad truth of raising a relative whose parent(s) are lost in drug addiction. We hope for the best, we say prayers for their wellbeing. We worry. In the end, it’s out of our control. I can focus on what is possible – to take good care of her son and my grandson, raise him with love, and do my best to help hep him know the good things about his mom.  My daughter is not all bad.  She is very sick, caught up in meth addiction. It is not her we don't like or get angry with.  It's meth.

A mentor once told me the more I try to “help”, the more I am telling my God that I don’t trust He will care for her.  It is not my job to be her “Higher Power”.  Thinking about that has helped me.

It’s in God’s hands, not mine.  He knows the big picture, not me.  He will keep her safe or bring her home.  Meanwhile, I will stay focused and what I can do – love the family and friends who are here.