I do feel I am a "safety net" for my grandson. I am my grandson’s link to knowing his
mom. Based only on my life experiences,
it seems no matter how “bad” a parent is, most kids are still going to hold
their mom and dad in high esteem. My
grandson is too little to understand drugs.
However, he does understand that his family loves him and that families
can be made in all kinds of ways.
The holidays went by without his mom. Not even a phone call. He didn’t talk about his mom being gone over
the holidays. It wasn’t until after
Christmas was over and the tree was down that he mentioned her. What he said was so sad. “Grandma, my mom doesn’t want to see me.”
My heart ached for him.
What could I say?
I tried to tell him (again) that when people take drugs,
they forget about their family because that is what drugs do.
This time I added, “I know your mom does miss you. I know your mom loves you. In fact, your mom knew she might not be able
to take care of you and that’s why you live with me. She picked me to take care of you! When you were just a baby your mom called ME to
come get you because she wanted you to be with her mom. She knew I would love you and she wants me to
love you while she is gone.”
He thought about that.
“You are my mom?” he asked, trying to follow along with his
little five-year old reasoning.
“Well, I am your mom’s mom and I am sort of your mom because
I am your GRAND mom.” I replied.
The conversation then shifted to more serious topics, like
is Spider Man stronger than the Hulk?
I know this conversation will come up again – maybe soon,
maybe not. But it will come up again.
I am the safety net for him.
That’s what kinship caregivers do.
We fill that void of the missing parent.
We make sure they know they have family who loves them. Many will, like me, try to let their child relative
know that although they are not with the parent(s), they are with family. I think that is important. I also believe
that is why we do what we do. There is
no financial incentive to be the safety net.
In fact, most kinship caregivers take a huge financial setback to raise
their relative(s). But we are family and
families are made in all kinds of ways.
I am a grandma raising my grandson. It’s all good.
Reference:
Hayslip Jr., B. & Kaminski, P. L. (2005). Grandparents
raising their grandchildren: A review of the literature and suggestions for
practice. The Gerontologist, (45)2,
pp. 262-269.
